Saturday, December 06, 2008

Sinterklaas

First, a gratuitous baby shot, taken just moments ago:



Today is Sinterklaas. Now, I'm not Dutch, but my SIL is, and we thought this was such a good idea that we've adopted it ourselves. I have a few gifts for our immediate party - Josh and Lina and me, and my brother and his wife (we'll be celebrating at their place tonight) - and I can't show you pictures because that would spoil the surprise, now wouldn't it? Tomorrow, I promise. :)



I also have cookies - at least, cookies in progress. It's kinda hard to make cookies late in the evening with a tired baby and no daddy to take his shift... Nonetheless, I did manage to make half a batch of Dutch Letter Cookies (thanks to Norma for sharing the recipe!), with the rest to make this afternoon, and I have the dough chilled for Pepparkakor. Yay for ethnic European spice cookies! I would post the recipe, but I have a sleepy baby in my lap, and getting up to get it would disturb her. Again, tomorrow, I promise!

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Reality Check.

My mom had a cancerous tumor removed yesterday. It was, as these things go, a minor deal - a melanoma "in situ", meaning it was just in that spot, nothing extending elsewhere, not even all the layers of skin - but is cancer ever a minor deal, really? And, to pound it home even more firmly, I just read a post about another blogger's mom's cancer, and now I'm getting pretty upset about it all. I mean, I can't even go be with her right now, because we're hundreds of miles apart. She's planning to come visit for Christmas, but I'd like to be with her now, sharing Lina's toothless laughter in person and helping with her recovery.

I think I'll start keeping enough room on a credit card for an emergency train trip.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Now, with knitting!




Josh has been playing chess online recently. One morning about a week ago, he came in while I was in denial about getting up (standard practice for me on weekends) and asked if I'd make a hat for a lady he's been playing with who's going through cancer treatment. Well, of course I would! So, we hopped in the car (once we were all up) and went to my favorite LYS, the Rose and Ram in Independence. The yarn is Fibra Natura Exquisite Bamboo, 77% bamboo, 23% superwash merino, in Fiesta; pattern is Turn a Square by Brooklyn Tweed, but in only one colorway. It's yummy! Light and warm and soft and silky, and very cheery. :)



My socks have started wearing out. All but my very newest socks have either HYOOGE holes, like, too big for darning (darn it!!), or are showing distinct wear in spots. So I'm trying to churn out a few pairs while I still have some to wear. I had started this pair - Knotty or Knice by Chrissy Gardiner - pretty much as soon as the fall issue of IK landed in my mailbox back in... August? But what with them being a traveling pattern and me having a baby to chase, I didn't finish them until This past Friday. Hey, I finished them!!! And when I was at OFFF back in September, I showed the WIP to Ms. Gardiner herself, and she was happy to see her design "in the wild", and said that she liked the colorway I was using better than the one she'd had to use for the sample in the magazine. Yay! Yarn is STR lightweight, Star Sapphire. And yes, I'm a total dork. But you knew that.

Life with Squirmy Baby.





The first picture was taken just instants after Lina'd stopped pulling that blanket over her face, a favorite game since she was young, but one she can now play by herself. The second two were taken this weekend; we spent Thanksgiving with our dear friend Br. Vincent. In the first of those, Br. Vincent and Josh are playing chess while Lina wiggles on the ground (shortly thereafter Br. V draped his scapular over her head, leading me to joke about telling the abbot he was letting girls under his habit). In the second we are at the monastery's lodge, a lovely building on the Puget Sound, as the two share a package of popcorn.

Monday, November 24, 2008

More Ergo giveaway props!

I mentioned this contest a few weeks ago, and here's another! Ergo must be having a field day...

Swallow First.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Lina supposes her toes are roses

Lina has recently discovered her toes. I took these shots a few days ago, and then happily discovered that I could set up a slideshow on Picasa (Google's photo application).

Monday, November 17, 2008

Whaddya know?

Well, it really was contagious. Turns out my illness Saturday night wasn't from the turkey I treated with improper respect, but a 24 hour bug that's been making the rounds. I've been myself today, mostly... except that I'm not really interested in food. I'm kinda hungry... but every little flavor, especially sweetness, is very intense, and my tummy is still a touch queasy.

This is bad, especially when you consider that I'm still Lina's sole source of nourishment (and even if she was eating solids, the which she's shown no interest in yet except as toys, it would only be token amounts at this point), and that she's nursing very frequently right now - every couple of hours or less! I'm suspecting a supply decrease from ovulation... Oh yeah, did I mention I got my period for my birthday a couple of weeks ago? Guess I'll be eating oatmeal for breakfast and drinking Mother's Milk tea to wash it down.

Aaand the house is a mess. And while I got the laundry folded this afternoon, the baby sleeping on my front prevented me from putting it away. and while L's mom was able to make other arrangements for today, I'll have her again tomorrow. Ah, well, such is life...

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I think it's contagious.



Here's the obligatory baby picture so Gran doesn't complain (as much ;P ). It's a few weeks old; she's currently asleep on Daddy, part-time miserable with her first real cold.

Megan had food poisoning in the middle of last week, from some bad fast food. I wouldn't bother to mention it here, except that I saw her Friday at the LLL meeting, and then spent all of last night puking my guts out, I think from something I ate at dinner. Josh, the lucky bum, had no issues at all. So today, he's doing the majority of the Lina care while I'm miserable on the couch. I'd enjoy it more if I didn't feel like a$$.

Meanwhile, I think I'm going to work on preparing for the Pendragon game I'm ramping up to running; I have the Howard Pyle version out from the library (different edition, but meh). They also had Malory, but I thought that choosing an edition that I could (and would) actually read in the time I have was the better part of valor.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Sue me, kids eat time!

I know a bunch of other moms who not only also have infants, but older children as well. How they manage to blog so much more regularly than me, I don't know. Must be practice...

I'm posting for once because someone on my babywearing list posted about this contest - and the site looks awesome enough in general that I decided to play. Besides, I so wouldn't say no to an Ergo!

And now, I know you're all champing at the bit for pictures of Little Girl.



This was Halloween - mama and baby kitties!



With Great-Grandma, on my birthday (as it happens).



Baby's first garb (and this is a dual purpose shot - something I've been working on!!! It's a UFO, but I'll finish it, I hope soon...).




This is L, a 4 year old I've been watching during the day for about a month now. And no, she's really not mine, but everyone thinks she is! This is a shot of her at Gilbert House.

That's all for now!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Art

has been requested.



First up: at OFFF, this is Lina and Mia's Gunner, who is generously sharing his big sister's cold. To be fair, after he sucked Lina's thumb, he gave her his, too.



Lina and our friend Penelope (Penny) at Gilbert House. Penny is about two months older than Lina (hence she's sitting while Lina's doing tummy time), but because she's very petite, Lina's actually a touch bigger. But they're wearing about the same size clothes, so at the swap yesterday, Penny's mom and I were snapping up all the cute girl's clothes in size 6-9 mos.



It's not a mouth, it's a clown car. I can say no more.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I promise!

We have not disappeared down a hole. Lina is alive and well (and making raspberries in the other room). Just... time gets away from me, you know?

There has been knitting. There have been baby pictures taken. There has been sewing - even quilting!

But I'm watching a four-year-old four mornings a week now, and that really eats into my time and energy! So... bear with me. I will post about our doings as brain, energy and children permit.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Kinnearing

Man, oh, man this is getting funny. Check it out here and here.

Me, I'm too much of a stay-at-home to ever be likely to play...

Monday, September 29, 2008

Another post without pictures.

So Little Girl's been growing like a weed recently. She's outgrowing her size 6mo sleepers at a ridiculous rate - I've watched one get too short over the course of a day in the last week! So, I dug out the 6-9mo sleepers I had stashed, and put one on her tonight... and it's not too big. There's a little room to grow, but it's not too big. Four months old tomorrow, and she's heading into 9mo clothes already! *cry*

Friday, September 26, 2008

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I know just the thing!

I've been beginning to agonize about Little Girl's Halloween costume. I mean, how can I, obsessed with playing dress-up, even at the advanced age of 30-something, not do something fabulous for my firstborn's first Halloween? I've often been considering something video game-ish, just because... and then I saw this.

For this, I can pick up a crochet hook.

Babywearing: it's not just for the crunchy!

Someone posted this video from 1963 about "baby-toting" to one of my mom's lists. It's about 10 minutes long, but worth watching. :)

Monday, September 22, 2008

Getting political for a moment...



Hey look, a cute baby! If you don't want to hear about politics, look no further.

You all know I tend not to get mouthy about my political beliefs; I believe what I believe, and there's not much that's going to persuade me otherwise. I tend to assume that other people are pretty much the same way, so I don't bring them up unless I'm pretty sure that the people I'm talking with are people I'm comfortable with. I might discuss minutiae with my brother or my mom or a close friend, but that's pretty much it.

I'm not a huge fan of Obama, but I'll be voting for him; Bethany has a pretty good argument for why. But the real reason I'm posting about this today is something I read on another blog. The author is a midwife and a pretty religious (Christian of some stripe) woman, just for a teeny bit for y'all to know where she's coming from, and here she talks about why Sarah Palin is baaaad news.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

The Other Woman



I know, I know, you're thinking, here's yet another picture of the Little Girl - what's so special about that? Other than being, you know, a picture of adorable perfection. Here's the thing: when I laid her down, it was on her back. She got into the above pose all on her own. Grandpa got her laughing out loud last Sunday, too!



Josh has been cheating on me. Guess who the other woman is - that's right, Vacuum Girl herself!

There has been actual factual knitting going on chez nous, but as I don't have pics, I'm not talking about it at present. Soon!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

So apparently I'm only Average.

43

As a 1930s wife, I am
Average

Take the test!



I figured that I'd be higher with all my domestic arts... but I guess since Little Girl is too little yet to do school-related stuff, my domestic arts don't out-weigh my "vulgar" habits. Maybe I should re-take it with what I intend to do with her?

It's ok, though. I don't *really* want to be a perfect 1930s housewife, anyway!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Improvements on the way

I've decided to start adding tags. I know, shocking, huh? So over the next days and weeks, I'll be going back over all my posts and adding tags (or labels, as Blogger calls them) to all my past posts.

I also plan to add my Flickr stream - and post more photos to it! Really super-duper shocking, I know!

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Don't I know it!

cat
more animals



How is it that, even though Little Girl(tm) let me sleep decently last night, I'm as exhausted tonight as if she were a newborn again? I suppose it's a good thing that she's too cute to strangle...

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Sleep Deprivation and other pleasures

I haven't gotten to sleep very much the last couple of nights, between some random internal thing of my own and Lina suddenly having learned about comfort nursing (I think).



This is my current favorite Lina picture.

Monday, September 01, 2008

~Our State Fair is the Best State Fair in the State~

I have been remiss in posting recently; all I can do is claim a teething baby (all screams, no teeth so far).

But Saturday we got to go to the State Fair; I was meeting my friend Bethany, and then I worked at the Bella Vie booth later in the afternoon. Despite getting roasted (I always forget my sunscreen, even when it's in the bag) and having to juggle a baby whose part-time job at the moment is attempting to burst my eardrums, I had a really great time. Besides, Lina made a really great prop for the birth center booth!

On the other hand, I only managed to take two photos during the day.


This one was going to be of Lina sucking the same two fingers that I sucked as a child, but Miss Squirmsalot pulled one of them out while I was getting the camera.



This knitted wedding dress evidently took a high prize - it was nifty and knitted, how could I not take a picture?



Sometime Saturday morning, Lina all of a sudden learned how to blow raspberries. So, we now have a game where we can blow raspberries at each other. The above photo was taken during such a bout; I wanted to try and capture both sides, but somehow it didn't work out as well as I'd hoped. Anyway, she ended up very pleased with herself, as you can see.

We had dinner last night with Bethany and her husband and offspring last night; in between wails from Lina (can you believe she's three months old already?!), Bethany said she thinks Lina's going to end up with my nose. I hope so, I like my nose!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

No, really, this is realistic!



I never would have believed so before beginning to nurse, myself, but it is!

I found this while running through a set of links to medieval and renaissance art showing nursing women.

Dangit, it's what they're for!

I found this article very timely. My in-laws are great folks, and absolutely adore Lina (as they should!). But... my father-in-law is very modest about breastfeeding, to the point that he'll go into another room when I need to nurse the little girl. It makes it pretty awkward for me, sadly. I don't think he disapproves of breastfeeding at all, he's just extremely modest...



How can you not adore an image of a newborn nursing for the first time?

Thursday, August 14, 2008

A couple of things



First off a token Lina picture. This was a month ago, when we were visiting Br. Vincent to watch him take his first set of vows. The monk and the babe!

Rachel and Allen both wondered about the title on my last post; for me, it's a quote from the BBC comedy series Are You Being Served?

I just found this on a knitting forum, and I figured y'all would appreciate it. Serious geek candy!

That's all for now; today and the next couple of days are expected to be serious scorchers, so we're going to be hibernating to the best of our ability.

Friday, August 08, 2008

The things you see when you haven't got your gun.

In no particular order:



Yes, Lina is very much her mother's daughter, complete with glares.



This is rapidly becoming my favorite dessert: marionberry shortcake, with ample whipped cream (of course). The berries were fresh from the farmer's market, the shortcakes were courtesy of Bisquick. Sue me, I'm lazy!



More uses for a mei tai.

I spose it's time to start posting about the food budget challenge, since I went shopping for next week's food today. I spent about $60 today; yes, I know, that's more than I'm supposed to spend for a week's food, even if you count Lina towards the total. However, that wasn't all food (we slipped a couple of soda-type drinks in, and I also added a $5 food container), and some items will stretch for weeks or months - for example, the tahini I bought to make hummus with. All in all, I feel pretty good about today's purchases.

I also went a little crazy this evening with food pre-preparation. After a yummy bowl of leek and potato soup (leeks bought a week or two ago, potatoes delivered from our CSA), I randomly decided to start using up my white bread flour (unbleached, natch) by making some pizza dough to freeze for later use. For the curious, this means I made the dough and gave its first knead, then popped it in freezer bags (one ball of dough to a quart bag, two quart bags to a gallon bag, air squeezed out as much as possible) and into the freezer. The dough will rise in the freezer, but very slowly; the double bag method means that if any should burst their initial bag, the outer bag will contain the dough. Honestly, I don't expect it to last long enough for that to be a problem. When I'm ready to use a ball of dough, I'll pull it out of the freezer and let it defrost; by the time it's room temperature, it will also have finished rising. Then, since I had momentum (if only sort of energy), I chopped the veggies for the pot roast I'm making tomorrow. We're actually having some folks over for dinner, and since I like to cook my pot roasts until the fall apart in the pan (which takes forever), I want to make sure that I start the roast early enough that it's actually ready on time. I figure that having the veggies all ready to go will expedite things - it won't necessarily save time, since I generally do them while the roast is browning, but it will certainly save energy and brainspace (which will promptly be used up by the above cutie pie). I also started some chickpeas soaking to make that hummus I mentioned earlier; it seems that I've corrupted my picky-eater husband into liking it, and since it's WAY cheaper to make than to buy... you do the math.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

We have video!

Josh has been playing with the video function on my digital camera, using our very own entrancing subject:







The first is my favorite, but the others have their charms, too - how could they not? I just love the faces Lina makes while sleeping... but then her earnest concentration while trying to crawl is just enchanting! The third is Lina tracking Josh's hand while he films - as if we needed more evidence of her intelligence. :) Ok, ok, I'm besotted - but I'm supposed to be!

Lina and I went to a local SAHM meetup this morning (that's Stay At Home Mom, for those here who don't know the internet-ese), and had a great time. I chatted with the other moms, and Lina had a blast watching the other kids playing in the fountain (we were at a park around the corner from our house that has a fountain specifically designed for kids to play in it). I've been gradually building a friendship with Bethany, and was very happy to see her this morning. Not only did she help me with getting Lina into a back carry with a wrap, but then we went downtown to the Wednesday Farmer's Market together, and just hung out a bit longer. Imagine our delight when we went to get our babies out of their seats and found them holding hands! I'm still giggling over how fast each of us reached for our camera phones... Bethany declared that clearly our daughters were instant BFFs (Best Friends Forever), so it's a good thing she and I have been becoming friends! I would love to post my photo, but I don't have a way of getting pictures off my phone yet. Maybe Bethany will send me a link to hers so I can repost it here. :) I haven't had so much fun with a new friend in a long time, and I'm very glad to have had my efforts (you know, of just getting out of the damn house?) rewarded so well.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Carolina Bright-eyes




That's my cutie!

She's now two months old (or nine weeks, take your pick on how to gauge it), and currently spending much of her waking hours screaming - because she's processing so much she can't cope right now. Not much fun for any of us, and Josh and I hope it passes very, very soon.

At her two-month checkup on Friday, we found that she's 24" tall (in the 95% for her age) and 11 pounds (50%) - tall and slender, much like me. With her height, she's almost grown out of three-month clothing, but too skinny for six-month pants. Fortunately, the weather seems to be warming up again, so maybe by the time she needs pants again she'll have plumped up a bit.

And now for something completely different. A month or so ago, I joined a group here in town that's exploring ways to make our lives greener without breaking the budget. At our last meeting, we talked about food, and Stacey passed out a set of menus and recipes aimed at eating local, cheap, and healthy - and organic as much as possible. Several of us have decided to try out the menus this month, and report back how it worked for us. Since we're going camping much of this week (in fact I need to get off the computer and go shower and pack and stuff!), and I believe we have ample food to carry us through the rest of the week after we return, I'm going to start counting next Saturday, when we go food shopping next. The goal is to spend $15 per person per week; I'd usually say that would be $30 for me and Josh, but I may fudge and add a few bucks in Lina's name, since I'm eating for two still. We'll see how it goes!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Post 101

Signing in to Blogger just now, I discovered that the last time I posted, it was #100. Funny to think that in almost two and a half years I've only posted 100 times...

Anyway, I was looking through the pictures on my camera just now, and discovered that I lied: we did get some Lina pix last week.



This is her in her adorable little baby coolie hat, which we found in the awesome spice store we visited in Olympia a few weeks ago.



Anyway, this is the little eight-week-old angel less than an hour ago (before she woke up from her nap screaming because she was hungry and there was no one in sight). Daddy's playing with her so Mommy can eat and finish her blog post. :)

Friday, July 25, 2008

cat
more cat pictures

Yes, I'm cheating, posting with lolcats instead of knitting or baby. But this one was so exactly Peppar's reaction to us vacuuming...

Ok, ok, since I'm posting, here's some of the other content.



These are a couple of wool soakers I made a couple of weeks before Lina was born; she has now outgrown them. *sigh*



And this is the lovely Peggy with Vacuum Girl herself, back at the end of June when we visited her on a particularly warm weekend. Peggy was thrilled, Lina spent the day fussing badly.

I haven't taken any pictures this last week; was having too darn much fun with our very dear friend Br. Vincent, who was visiting us on his vacation, and has now headed back to the abbey.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Just sayin'.

cat


(eta: ugh. The pic won't all fit! iz kyoote tho.)

Monday, July 21, 2008

Things you realize after too much caffeine.


First, here's a picture of Lina, just to satisfy those questions. It's been a month since I last posted, because she's been keeping me that busy! This was taken a week ago, the day she turned six weeks, and also the day she broke the "smile barrier" - it's a little blurry, but that is a fully conscious smile!

But the real reason I'm posting. I had too dang much caffeine today, and so I was just lying there, tossing and trying to sleep, and had (again, but it's always astonishing) the realization that I'm an adult, and don't have to answer to anyone in particular for my actions. Specifically, I don't have to tell my mom where I'm going...

Allow me to put it into perspective: I have a four-year college degree; I will be thirty-two on my next birthday; Josh and I will be celebrating our second wedding anniversary in about two weeks; we bought a house this spring; I have a professional career, and I'm now a mother myself. And I still have moments - ever more frequently, lately - where I suddenly have that sensation of freedom, of not being answerable to anyone but my husband for my immediate actions (well, and society in general, but nothing in particular to fear there). It's muchly because I lived my my folks for so long, out of necessity; but even when I wasn't living with family, I was living under some other authority - be it the college when I was in the dorms, or the land-lord types at our apartment(s). Now, it's only us - and the bank that holds the mortgage, but that's really a very different feeling. We owe them money, but we don't have to behave according to a code that they lay out for us. We own a house, and therefore are trusted to behave in accordance with community standards, without having those standards handed to us on a photocopy that we have to sign in blood.

Anyway. Lina will be awake in an hour or so to nurse, I'd better try to get some sleep.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Three weeks and counting


Josh snuck up on me while we were cuddling the other morning. Ok, we were sound asleep, too...

Vacuum Girl after her first bath; photo taken about 20 minutes ago. We did take pics while she was *in* the bath, but as I was bathing with her... those aren't for public consumption.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

This was supposed to be for Father's Day...


But time moves very differently with a newborn.

Vacuum Girl is 2w 3d today, and at her 2-week appointment yesterday, she'd gained 13 oz. above her birth weight!

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Finished Object - Picture heavy!

Carolina Rose was born May 31, 2008 at 10:04 am, 18 hours after my water broke unexpectedly, about 7-8 hours active labor, and an official 14 minutes of pushing (although my doula thinks it was more like 4 really good pushes). She weighed 7 pounds 1 ounce, and was 20.5 inches long. Doubtless she's longer now, as she's sucked like a Hoover from birth!

Incidentally, that's Carolina (Lina for short) with an "e" sound, not "i" like the state; the reverse of her fetal nickname, I now realize. Yes, I have condemned my child to a lifetime of being mispronounced. *grin*

This is the last belly pic before labor, at 38w3d. I hadn't realized how huge I looked before seeing this!

So there I was on Friday May 30th, going about my business, which happened to be picking up a prescription at the pharmacy. I had just paid when I felt a couple of little gushes... I finished my business and called my doula, who confirmed what I suspected: my water had just broken. It had broken pretty high up, so I didn't flood the carpet or anything, but still, I knew that my baby was going to be arriving much, much sooner than any of us expected. Ok, about a week sooner than her due date, but at that stage, a week feels like a million years! I continued on to meet Josh at his classroom as we had previously arranged (about five minutes' walk from the pharmacy), and with some telephoning and consultation, the three of us (Josh, Stacey-the-doula, and I) decided to wait a couple of hours and let traffic die down before heading to the hospital; it's about an hour away and lies along a major commute route. Meanwhile, Josh and I headed home to do what we could to get things moving, because my body wasn't really yet ready to go into labor, and Stacey got things ready on her end. By the time we left home, I was contracting lightly but regularly, but by no means in active labor.

Mom and babe, just minutes after birth.

So we got to the hospital, and got triaged, and yup, that was broken waters, and those were light and regular contractions, so they admitted me, and we got down to the business of getting my labor going in earnest. We walked the halls; we went outside (it was a gorgeous night) and I walked the labyrinth the hospital has in the pavement. I did some lunges midway through the labyrinth, and by the time I had come back out of it, my contractions were strong enough to make me pause, although I couldn't really call them active labor yet. So we went back inside. I sat on the bed and knitted for a while; we asked for a birth ball and I sat on that for a bit, too. My contractions were slowly strengthening and coming closer, and we decided to try the bathtub for a while. That was lovely, I must say, but by the time I got out, my labor had mellowed, and the midwife on call started talking pitocin. Since that was almost the last thing we wanted, we negotiated to try more natural methods first. Since no one could find a hospital-grade breast pump we could use, we decided to ask for some privacy so that Josh and I could cuddle and hope that worked. 45 minutes later, my labor was moving quite nicely enough that the "p" word wasn't mentioned again. :)

Isn't she precious?!

So I sat on the birth ball again for a while, and then lay in bed for a bit, because I wanted to try to rest some between contractions, and I wasn't able to while on the ball at that point. But lying in bed made the contractions more painful, so I was just thinking of moving back to the ball, when GUSH! My water broke low, with enough meconium (baby's first poop, for those who don't know) that we all felt some concern about getting the baby out without delay. Fortunately, my water breaking like that also got my labor really going in earnest, so delay wasn't a worry.

Back to the birth ball, and on to a timeless time in Laborland as I dozed between contractions, and sat up and breathed and moaned (and sometimes puked - hospital barf bags are fabulous!) through them. My voice was hoarse for days after. I had about two contractions, probably right before transition, where the "e" word floated through my head (that's epidural), but right after that I had the classic "I can't do this" moment while on the toilet, and it was time to start getting prepared for pushing.

The new family - yes, I know it's dark.

So the nurse checked my dilation, and I had a bit of a cervical lip, so everyone helped me on my side to encourage that lip to melt away. I did about five contractions there, as the urge to push got more and more overwhelming, and the medical folks got set up for the endgame. Those five or so contractions of not pushing felt longer than the whole night had been, and blowing instead of pushing was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life.

Finally, the medical folks were all ready, and Stacey had them set up a bar I could grab so I could squat and push more efficiently, and they helped me sit up so I could push. And push I did! Stacey was an invaluable help there, reminding me to push into my bottom and not into my face. After about three endless contractions, I could feel the baby right almost crowning, and I knew that she was almost here, and that I would probably tear pushing her out, because I knew there was no way I was going to be able to ease her out. So on that last contraction I pulled myself upright, gave a mighty push, and there was the head! And I pushed again, and there was all the body! And she was beautiful and purple as the midwife put her in my arms. It all happened so fast that the medical personnel didn't get a chance to see her sex, but I was holding her in such a way that I could feel that she was a girl, just like I'd hoped for nine long months and more. Because of the meconium, she needed to have her cord cut sooner than I'd hoped so that the goo in her lungs could get suctioned, but lo and behold, when Josh (not liking to touch icky things) passed on the opportunity to cut it, the midwife offered me the scissors. Of course I accepted. :) After the suction team had their way, they put my baby girl back in my arms so I could nurse her, and boy did she ever! She latched on well right away, and sucked so well I was comparing her to vacuums.

Meanwhile, the midwife (or "medwife", since she seemed much more inclined to the medical model than not) was starting to get impatient about delivering the placenta. I would have been happy to let it come when it was ready, which it clearly wasn't yet, but she was anxious and started applying traction. Ultimately, she was quite rough with it, and I hemorrhaged a bit. Not a ton, not dangerously, but enough that I clearly lost more blood than I should have, which loss I'm still recovering from. I did indeed tear as well; one second-degree tear and two near-skidmarks that the midwife stitched just because of their position. Still, while we're annoyed about the placenta incident, we're very satisfied overall with our experience, and wouldn't hesitate to go back to that hospital the next time.

Lina today.

Because of my hemorrhage, I was in the hospital an extra day, just to make sure I was going to be all right going home. I'm actually rather glad of the extra time, because it gave me a chance to remedy my near-ignorance about infant care, something Lina is tutoring me in every moment still. Lina stayed with me the whole time, usually snuggled in with me; Josh stayed with us, too, except for brief trips out for special goodies, or home to feed the cats. We came home on Monday, and I've spent the week mostly sleeping, or nursing, or trying to find a few minutes to take care of myself; I didn't even get a chance to look at the pictures until today!