Two weeks in..

I don't have time to post, but I thought y'all would like to know that Elessar arrived two weeks ago today, safe and sound, no complications. I want to write up her birth story soon, but here're the vital stats until then.




Elinor Lily, born December 17, 2010 at 1:44 am, weighing 7 pounds 6.5 ounces, and measuring 20 inches long. Things are going well, if very busy, juggling Elessar and the Infanta, but we haven't imploded... yet.

Birth link

I haven't posted anything birthy in a while, but I saw this post today and thought, yes!!!

I've been thinking about the Infant's birth lately. I remember labor as not painless, but intense and overwhelming; there was pain, but it was the good feeling of muscles working hard. The one time I remember thinking "the e word"*, it wasn't because I hurt so badly, it was because the sensations were so overwhelming I was having trouble coping with them anymore. Because of my training, the small portion of my analytical brain that still worked at that point told me that that meant I was almost done. Also, my doula helped me let go, to surrender to the waves. I might have done it without her, but it wold have been tremendously more difficult!

Some women report feeling amazing empowerment after giving birth; I can't say that I did. I think perhaps that's because I don't generally feel disempowered. Birth was amazing, and wonderful, and I want to do it again, but I didn't have that "if I can do this, I can do anything" feeling so many women express.

Mothering a toddler - now that's giving me that feeling!

*epidural

For a good laugh

read this.

Babies!

I've been thinking about a lot of things recently, and I may get around to posting about some of them sometime soon. Meanwhile, watch this:



It's the trailer for the forthcoming documentary Babies, which follows the first year of life of four babies in different parts of the world. Just this two-and-a-half minute trailer made me laugh and cry - and within the first few seconds, Josh had whipped around, wondering if it was Lina squealing!

Give me my ink!

I've been thinking about getting a tattoo lately. I want a permanent mark on my body to echo the permanent mark on my psyche left by the babies I won't ever hold. I'm now about six weeks from the EDD of the baby I lost in May, and it's really been hitting me hard that I might have had a Christmas baby; I don't expect to have a very happy holiday.

Anyway, The Unnecesarean ran a post yesterday about anesthesiologists being hesitant to place epidurals in women with lower back tattoos (the placement I've been envisioning for mine). Given that I don't ever want an epidural, bring on the ink!

Man in labor?!

Much is up in the air, and so I don't want to post any updates before I have solid knowledge (rather than unhappy suppositions). But y'all deserve a post, so watch this:



Please note: the suggested coping mechanisms do in fact help in actual labor, since the pain of labor is related to specific work and baby position, rather than just to muscular contractions. Still, this is an amusing watch.

Labor Song

Stacey and Calum

Go check it out!

Another day, another adventure...

I spent a lot of time sleeping today; sleeping, and reassuring the Infanta that I really do still love her and haven't abandoned her. You see, I spent the last two days at the hospital, working with a client. 36 hours of being wrung through the hospital wringer later, she has a beautiful little girl... but man, I'm still tired. And all I did was cheer-lead!

I can't talk about the birth here; it's not my story and it would violate ethics, contracts, friendship, and good manners... but it was intense, and I don't think I would have held up nearly as well if my friend and fellow doula Stacey hadn't been willing to cheer me on via text message. I am especially grateful to her for doing so despite being more than ready to give birth herself, and in fact was in prodromal labor herself pretty much the whole time we were consulting. Stacey, remind me to bring chocolate to our date! I owe you. :)

Anyway... I knew before that I didn't want to give birth at the hospital here in town, but now I know I REFUSE to do so. Especially since my client has the same insurance we do... and so I would be subject to the same doctors she was. So not interested. And I really did like the care I received at the hospital where I gave birth to the Infanta, so despite its being 45 minutes away in good traffic, I think it's worth it. Of course, what I would really prefer would be to simply stay home, but I don't see that happening in the near future. So... I'll drive the 45 minutes to be cared for by the midwife I'm already established with (and whom I like very much), and drive the same to give birth again at the Baby-Friendly hospital.

More Linkies

Totally friggin' amazing birth story!

Also, some of the knitting I've been up to lately...

How do I find the words?

C, a woman of my acquaintance and a member of one of the larger mom's groups I'm a part of, lost her baby during birth last night. I don't know the full story, and probably may never, because I do not know C well, but I understand that it was something to do with a last-minute complication. Yes, I'm being deliberately vague.

I miscarried last month, sure, but I didn't know I was pregnant until I was already miscarrying. It was hard, I'm still mourning, but for me the worst part was just not knowing when the physical process would be done so I could go back to living. To carry a baby for over nine months, to love her, to bond with her, name her, to have a shower and prepare an older sibling; to labor with her, and then lose her literally as she is being born... I wouldn't even know where to begin to deal with this.

Please pray for C, for her husband and daughter M, and for her midwives Pam and Emily and doula Katie (not me), and for Baby P, who could not stay with us.

This just in!

Rixa's birth story. Gorgeous. Makes my uterus spasm. Well, more than it was anyway. *grin*

And the intarwebs provide

Go read hedra's gorgeous doula/birth story here. No, Bethany, I'm not trying to make your ovaries twitch worse.

A Birth Story

Read this, with Kleenex handy.

Worth 15 minutes of your life.

Pamela, fantastic midwife to many around here, posted this today. I watch the video and think why can't I give birth this way not because I think I should be that cool and collected (although I think I may have appeared that way, at least sometimes.. just not when puking..), but because I wish deeply that I could do it in such an amazing environment. The hospital I was at with the Infanta was a good place, and the nursing staff were great at being discreet enough that I was able to fully engage with Laborland - from which I basically didn't emerge until she was fully born - but it was still a hospital. So, no warm wooden floors, no atmospheric candles.

Of course, I might not get that at home, either!

But it is heartening to see that some women really do get to live out what so many of us can only fantasize about.

Two things

For a laugh, go check this out. Then come back.

For something not really funny, but heartwrenching and amazing, watch this film. The link's been making the rounds of the birth blogosphere recently, and I finally made time to watch it today. Very inspiring, and since I'm now a mom myself, I also have a much better understanding of just how hard that woman works. Just... amazing. Take an hour and go watch it, you won't regret it.

5. Giraffe!

The Infanta is practicing her Velcro skills today, so here's a video of a giraffe being born to entertain you. Ignore the gratuitous footage of the tourists.

Finished Object - Picture heavy!

Carolina Rose was born May 31, 2008 at 10:04 am, 18 hours after my water broke unexpectedly, about 7-8 hours active labor, and an official 14 minutes of pushing (although my doula thinks it was more like 4 really good pushes). She weighed 7 pounds 1 ounce, and was 20.5 inches long. Doubtless she's longer now, as she's sucked like a Hoover from birth!

Incidentally, that's Carolina (Lina for short) with an "e" sound, not "i" like the state; the reverse of her fetal nickname, I now realize. Yes, I have condemned my child to a lifetime of being mispronounced. *grin*

This is the last belly pic before labor, at 38w3d. I hadn't realized how huge I looked before seeing this!

So there I was on Friday May 30th, going about my business, which happened to be picking up a prescription at the pharmacy. I had just paid when I felt a couple of little gushes... I finished my business and called my doula, who confirmed what I suspected: my water had just broken. It had broken pretty high up, so I didn't flood the carpet or anything, but still, I knew that my baby was going to be arriving much, much sooner than any of us expected. Ok, about a week sooner than her due date, but at that stage, a week feels like a million years! I continued on to meet Josh at his classroom as we had previously arranged (about five minutes' walk from the pharmacy), and with some telephoning and consultation, the three of us (Josh, Stacey-the-doula, and I) decided to wait a couple of hours and let traffic die down before heading to the hospital; it's about an hour away and lies along a major commute route. Meanwhile, Josh and I headed home to do what we could to get things moving, because my body wasn't really yet ready to go into labor, and Stacey got things ready on her end. By the time we left home, I was contracting lightly but regularly, but by no means in active labor.

Mom and babe, just minutes after birth.

So we got to the hospital, and got triaged, and yup, that was broken waters, and those were light and regular contractions, so they admitted me, and we got down to the business of getting my labor going in earnest. We walked the halls; we went outside (it was a gorgeous night) and I walked the labyrinth the hospital has in the pavement. I did some lunges midway through the labyrinth, and by the time I had come back out of it, my contractions were strong enough to make me pause, although I couldn't really call them active labor yet. So we went back inside. I sat on the bed and knitted for a while; we asked for a birth ball and I sat on that for a bit, too. My contractions were slowly strengthening and coming closer, and we decided to try the bathtub for a while. That was lovely, I must say, but by the time I got out, my labor had mellowed, and the midwife on call started talking pitocin. Since that was almost the last thing we wanted, we negotiated to try more natural methods first. Since no one could find a hospital-grade breast pump we could use, we decided to ask for some privacy so that Josh and I could cuddle and hope that worked. 45 minutes later, my labor was moving quite nicely enough that the "p" word wasn't mentioned again. :)

Isn't she precious?!

So I sat on the birth ball again for a while, and then lay in bed for a bit, because I wanted to try to rest some between contractions, and I wasn't able to while on the ball at that point. But lying in bed made the contractions more painful, so I was just thinking of moving back to the ball, when GUSH! My water broke low, with enough meconium (baby's first poop, for those who don't know) that we all felt some concern about getting the baby out without delay. Fortunately, my water breaking like that also got my labor really going in earnest, so delay wasn't a worry.

Back to the birth ball, and on to a timeless time in Laborland as I dozed between contractions, and sat up and breathed and moaned (and sometimes puked - hospital barf bags are fabulous!) through them. My voice was hoarse for days after. I had about two contractions, probably right before transition, where the "e" word floated through my head (that's epidural), but right after that I had the classic "I can't do this" moment while on the toilet, and it was time to start getting prepared for pushing.

The new family - yes, I know it's dark.

So the nurse checked my dilation, and I had a bit of a cervical lip, so everyone helped me on my side to encourage that lip to melt away. I did about five contractions there, as the urge to push got more and more overwhelming, and the medical folks got set up for the endgame. Those five or so contractions of not pushing felt longer than the whole night had been, and blowing instead of pushing was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life.

Finally, the medical folks were all ready, and Stacey had them set up a bar I could grab so I could squat and push more efficiently, and they helped me sit up so I could push. And push I did! Stacey was an invaluable help there, reminding me to push into my bottom and not into my face. After about three endless contractions, I could feel the baby right almost crowning, and I knew that she was almost here, and that I would probably tear pushing her out, because I knew there was no way I was going to be able to ease her out. So on that last contraction I pulled myself upright, gave a mighty push, and there was the head! And I pushed again, and there was all the body! And she was beautiful and purple as the midwife put her in my arms. It all happened so fast that the medical personnel didn't get a chance to see her sex, but I was holding her in such a way that I could feel that she was a girl, just like I'd hoped for nine long months and more. Because of the meconium, she needed to have her cord cut sooner than I'd hoped so that the goo in her lungs could get suctioned, but lo and behold, when Josh (not liking to touch icky things) passed on the opportunity to cut it, the midwife offered me the scissors. Of course I accepted. :) After the suction team had their way, they put my baby girl back in my arms so I could nurse her, and boy did she ever! She latched on well right away, and sucked so well I was comparing her to vacuums.

Meanwhile, the midwife (or "medwife", since she seemed much more inclined to the medical model than not) was starting to get impatient about delivering the placenta. I would have been happy to let it come when it was ready, which it clearly wasn't yet, but she was anxious and started applying traction. Ultimately, she was quite rough with it, and I hemorrhaged a bit. Not a ton, not dangerously, but enough that I clearly lost more blood than I should have, which loss I'm still recovering from. I did indeed tear as well; one second-degree tear and two near-skidmarks that the midwife stitched just because of their position. Still, while we're annoyed about the placenta incident, we're very satisfied overall with our experience, and wouldn't hesitate to go back to that hospital the next time.

Lina today.

Because of my hemorrhage, I was in the hospital an extra day, just to make sure I was going to be all right going home. I'm actually rather glad of the extra time, because it gave me a chance to remedy my near-ignorance about infant care, something Lina is tutoring me in every moment still. Lina stayed with me the whole time, usually snuggled in with me; Josh stayed with us, too, except for brief trips out for special goodies, or home to feed the cats. We came home on Monday, and I've spent the week mostly sleeping, or nursing, or trying to find a few minutes to take care of myself; I didn't even get a chance to look at the pictures until today!