Wordless Wednesday: Cream of Wheat

Letter to My Littles: Winter 2012

My darlings: I had a rough winter, and so I was unable to write you a letter in January. I still love you though, and you have both grown tremendously.

To my Infanta: you chatter and sing all day long, and dance whenever there is the slightest hint of music to do it to. Your thick, wavy hair (so like mine) curls to your waist, and looks amazing even if you haven't let me comb it in a week (or more). Have I mentioned your strong will recently? You continue to thrive at school, and when challenged, can read off any letters you see. You're also spontaneously doing simple addition and subtraction; not sums on a worksheet, but real-world math, noticing how many buses we pass on the way to school, or how many pieces of sandwich are left.

To Elessar: you are a toddler now, in everything but actually toddling. You'll get to the walking when you're ready, even though I'm starting to get a little anxious about it. You're so busy exploring and playing and learning to climb that you just haven't bothered with walking yet - although when you do finally let go, I know you'll be thrilled and wonder why you didn't do it sooner. You recognize photos of yourself - "Ewwy-a!" - and know how to make the touch screen on my phone go. In short, you are everything a mother could want in her 14 month old baby.

To my spirit babies: two more joined your number this winter, a major reason I didn't post a month ago. I kind of imagine you all watching us like the brothers' ghosts in Stardust, sitting in a group and sending love. I think of you often, and miss you always.

Letter to My Littles: December 2011/Year-End Wrap-Up

Ah, my darlings, where to begin? This has been a very full year, as you both changed and grown almost beyond recognition. It has been a very difficult year for me, as I have had to stretch and grow and grasp for my new balance as a mother of two. I would not undo either of you, but maybe I could choose one or two other things differently.. but if I did, I wouldn't be who I am now.



Me and my girls, 12/17/10

My Infanta: This month saw you perform in not one, but two Christmas concerts! I cried as I watched you march in with your preschool class, singing so proudly and.. enthusiastically. Your teacher tells me she loves having you in my class, and on the days you're more sweetheart than stinker, I understand why.



The Infanta, 12/30/11

Elessar: What can I say, you have lived all but the first two weeks of your life so far in this year. You're still too busy with other developments to have bothered with walking yet (tonight you were learning to say "button"!); besides, crawling does you just fine! You constantly astound me with the contrast between your caution and your bold curiosity; I've been seeing this play out recently, as we go places you don't know, and you intently observe your surroundings before striking out to fearlessly explore them. You love to play with toys as much as your sister was uninterested in them, and adore the basket I keep by my feet for you to unpack.



Elessar, 12/21/2011

I look forward to the coming year, and hope I'm up to the challenges it will bring!

I love you both.

Wordless Wednesday: naptime!

Oh, how I want one right now...

Wordless Wednesday: Snacking on the Go

At the grocery store Saturday.

Letters to My Littles: August 2011

Inspired by TouchstoneZ, I'm writing to my babies about what I've seen in them this month.

My darling Infanta: I think my mother must have wished me children just like me, because you are. At 3 years, 3 months old you are sweet, funny, smart, infuriating, contrary, a joy, and a pain in the tookus. I love how you have begun to play imagination games - taking your toys and assigning the names of people you love as you act out everyday happenings. I also love how you insist on doing the things we as your parents do - wanting your backpack in the trunk of the car with ours, or watching out for what your sister is doing. As Daddy goes back to work for the school year, you and I are beginning to renegotiate how we interact - you were so attached to him this summer that I barely saw you! Part of me welcomes the chance to reconnect, but more of me dreads the challenge; we will muddle through as always, I'm sure. :)

Elessar: you are 8.5 months old, and my playful, happy baby. "They" say you're not supposed to compare your children, but really, it's human nature. The Infanta has always been a happy kid, but your smiles make her look almost glum! You're also very interested in toys, and will happily unpack my handbasket time and again. You love solid food, and if you're in the mood, will protest my eating or drinking something and not sharing quite vocally! You are also bound and determined to get moving as soon as possible; while you've been crawling for almost two months now, you're not satisfied with that, and practice standing and even taking steps whenever possible. As I nursed you back to sleep in the middle of the night, I held you in my arms and realized how big you've gotten, wondering where my little baby went. You're so very eager to be a big kid like your sister, but please, can you stay a baby just a little longer?

Wordless Wednesday: Sisters

Knock Me Flat

I love using cloth diapers, but I lost my momentum with using them eighteen months ago; the Infanta has been primarily in disposable diapers since then. Elessar has also been in mostly 'sposies since she was born.. I make sporadic efforts to switch to cloth, but since it mostly ends up being an extra layer of stress that triggers my PPD*, I've been purposefully letting it go.

But I keep looking for inspiration to get back to my cloth. One of my Twitter mamas started talking a couple days ago about the Flats Challenge and it sounded interesting, so I checked it out and I'm in! Back when the Infanta was born we purchased a package of flats; they languished unused in a drawer until Elessar proved to be a spitty baby, and we needed burp cloths stat. I also have assorted receiving blankets that will work well, too.

Because of my PPD*, I'm going to modify my participation some (and therefore won't be linking myself to the challenge directly - they seem pretty all-or-nothing). 1) I'll be machine washing. 2) I will use 'sposies (or other diapers) as needed - at night, or if I just need to go for the "easy" route.

*I say "PPD" (post-partum depression), but I mean "PPMD" (post-partum mood disorder) because I have a lot of anxiety, too.

Because you need a naked baby.

17 weeks

I haven't been posting anywhere near as much as I'd like because I've been wrestling with postpartum depression enhanced by the Infanta's continuing threenager neediness and Elessar's normal infant neediness. But Elessar is a happy, chunky baby, and you all deserve a dose of her cuteness to brighten your days too. :)

Updates..

I envy moms who find the time to post frequently with more than one small child. Maybe it's me, maybe it's my particular kids; most likely it's a combination (I never have been great at regular posting).

Elessar has been a challenge, and I'm convinced she's made it her mission in life to make sure I know she's a different person from her sister. After a couple of weeks of hours of screaming, we figured out that she's sensitive to dairy. So I've had to give up my beloved cheese... Fortunately I can still have butter and goat cheese, so I'm not entirely bereft, but it's not been easy to revamp my menu to be dairy-free. Elessar is now a very happy baby, but we're in deep trouble - she rolled over at 4 weeks, and at 2 months she's been working hard on crawling for a couple of weeks now. I would not be surprised if she crawls before 6 months.

The Infanta has been very needy as well. She hasn't turned any anger against her sister (yet), but she's definitely in the fast lane to becoming a "threenager", alternating classic toddler tantrums with intense Mama-need and utter sweetness.

Between the two - Elessar with complete physical dependence and the Infanta with major emotional neediness - I'm stretched to my limit. Fortunately I do have a good outlet with my knitting group (I go to every session for my mental health!), and I have an AMAZING support network and community of friends both near and far. I had a very bad night a few days ago, and posted a call for help on Facebook; by morning an acquaintance was at my house, washing every dish in my kitchen, and calls and messages of support are still rolling in! I'm convinced this is part of what it means that "it takes a village to raise a child" - when they're this small, mothers need community help just to function as much as the children need to learn from others when they're older.

Two weeks in..

I don't have time to post, but I thought y'all would like to know that Elessar arrived two weeks ago today, safe and sound, no complications. I want to write up her birth story soon, but here're the vital stats until then.




Elinor Lily, born December 17, 2010 at 1:44 am, weighing 7 pounds 6.5 ounces, and measuring 20 inches long. Things are going well, if very busy, juggling Elessar and the Infanta, but we haven't imploded... yet.

Just a quick note..

For all of you who haven't given up on me completely:

32 weeks and counting! The Infanta was a reassuringly active baby; Elessar is a positive acrobat! When s/he's awake, I never know quite where I'm going to feel kicks/shoves/punches. S/he is, however, beginning to favor a head-down position, which is reassuring. My SPD is a pain in the arse - literally, as my sacrum is tending to be quite sore - but chiropractic care and knowing more about how to not make it worse is helping me to manage it.

A photographer friend and I went out this weekend and did a belly photo shoot. The few shots I saw were absolutely amazing, and as soon as she gets the disk of finished photos to me, I plan to post them, well, everywhere.

Part of the reason posting has been so scant in the last months is that the Infanta has hit 2.5 early and hard. I don't know why it took me so long to realize that, and to remember that her pattern her whole life has been that she hits her half-year disruptions early and hard, but once I did remember, it has made coping a lot easier. It's still difficult, especially as I'm feeling like a beached whale and mostly unable to move without pain, but at least I understand what's going on.

Edited to add: I know I'm not posting often, but I do tweet a fair amount. If you don't already track my twitterstream, I have a gadget that shows it over on the left.

Not dead, just busy

Summer has been busy, with visits from family and friends, not to mention our own activities. Plus, there's the whole surviving the heat thing.


Goofy Girl is goofy.


22w 3d

But I figure that it's been six weeks since I posted, so I thought I'd put up a bump shot. Seriously folks, I look like I did at 34ish weeks with the Infanta! Elessar is doing fine; very squirmy, and with all the right parts. I'm not enjoying the summer part of this pregnancy, but it will pass, and I'm good with everything else - especially since I have a lovely chiropractor is working hard on reducing my pelvic pain!

And yes, it was cool enough this morning that I'm wearing a sweater and jeans.

Wordless Wednesday: 16 weeks