Monday, June 08, 2009

Lifting the silence

Yesterday's memorial for Baby P was hard, but beautiful. Bethany has spoken better about it than I can, but she is a writer, after all - at least, a more practiced one than I.

I wasn't going to go; I'd only met C once before. But she wrote something in sympathy for my miscarriage that helped the most of what anyone said, and so I felt that I should be there, to lend what support my presence would bring. C said she was glad I came.

I was glad I went: I got to cry. I hadn't yet been able to cry for my own loss; I can't when I'm on duty, and a mom with a toddler is always on duty. So I left the Infanta at home, and joined this amazing community in mourning. And I cried. I cried for Baby P; I cried for C, and for her family; I cried for me, and I cried for my own babe-not-to-be. I'm still very sad today, and weepy here and there. I keep remembering what one of the speakers said: that in the midst of everything else, there is still love. There is always love. And the remembrance makes me want to cry more, but because the thought helps me release my grief, not because it makes me more upset.

There is still love.


Lamentation said...

there is always love. Something from a bible verse says that after everything else is gone there will be love, hope and faith, and that the greatest of these is love.

I think it's something from Paul. Not sure.

Love you sis.

caramama said...

I just want to send you hugs. For your loss and the loss of Baby P.

I still mourn for the baby I lost with my miscarriage. There will always be love in my heart for that child. It does get easier to live with the loss, but for me at least, it will always be there, with the love.

Batty said...

Yes, the greatest of these is love. Hugs and good thoughts coming your way. Releasing the grief and beginning to heal is not a sign that we love the person we lost any less. Crying helps you heal -- I think of it as washing out your wounds with tears.