31. Yarn Crawl

The lovely Snarfy, excited about her purchases.

So, I'm planning to start hosting a knitting group midday on probably Wednesdays. Who's up for it?

30. It's cold out, but...

At least I'm well rested! Got to sleep 11ish, woke up at twenty to 11 this morning... with, you know, the usual nursing and the hour around 5-6 when I was trying to get the Infanta back to sleep so I could go pee (didn't work). I was exhausted and touched out by the end of the game last night, and I thought I wouldn't sleep for hours, but then I availed myself of the wonders of a long hot bath, and... much better.

Honest, one of these days I'll have brainspace to post about something other than feeling ucky! But since I'm currently in hard survival mode, that's what I've got right now.

29. I'm tired

of whining about January. Good thing for me it's almost over, eh?

I'm also just plain tired - we got home at almost 10 last night, and the Infanta was passed out at a few minutes before 11. She slept pretty soundly, all things considered - but this was because I decided that since she's sleeping best next to us, and Josh doesn't sleep worth beans next to her these days, I took her into the guest bed with me. This is *not* the most comfortable bed in the world (although I'm having distinct thoughts about taking the mattress off the frame...), and putting that on top of the caffeine I consumed last night, I didn't sleep until around 2... and then I didn't sleep soundly. C'est la cookie crumbles...

28. I didn't forget!

I just had a really super duper pooper long busy day that began much earlier than I expected, and I only just now have a chance to post.

But I really enjoyed myself today, knitting with assorted friends and babies and, and, and... :) You all know who you are.

(btw Stacey, consider that the S.E.X. I owed you... Katie, I haven't forgotten yours!)

27.Random Tuesday

The Infanta did. not. sleep. last night (well, ok, she did finally... sort of), so she's super fussy and I'm exhausted today (and so's Daddy, bless him for taking over when I was having thoughts of laudanum). And I'm determined to get the heck out of the house today, despite the rain. We'll see.

Megan posted a sort-of contest yesterday, and one of the requirements was reposting on your own blog. I'm not sure if she meant just a link, or extending the exchange, so here's a link.

And now I'm going to try not to go back to bed too soon.

26. Ba-na-na

I really need a high chair before I continue with many more solids. A placemat might help, too.

Not dressing my child in an (partially) angora sweater before handing her messy food would probably help, too.

25. Geek knitting

When I saw this post over at the Mario Scarf blog the other day, I knew I needed a new dice bag. My old one is not uncrafty - I made it... maybe 15 years ago? out of leather, with beading - but it's old, and not knitted, and I've always been paranoid (justifiably) about the hand-cut thong drawstrings breaking. So I took a couple of evenings away from other projects and made a new one. I didn't have any Kureyon on hand, so I snagged a ball of Silk Garden out of the Clapotis project I'm never going to finish, and used that instead.

24. Dear Daughter,

You are beautiful, big, strong, and intelligent. It is a joy and a privilege to watch you grow and develop; on good days the thought brings me to tears. When we encounter random strangers, the first thing they comment on, almost always, is how bright your eyes are - which amuses me, because that was one of my earliest nicknames for you.

It is not your fault that Januaries are always hard for me, or that this January has been a bad one for many people, and even worse than usual for me in particular. It is not your fault that I'm wading through (relatively) mild PPD. It is not your fault that you are, at this miserable time for me, developing so rapidly that you can't keep up with the changes, and so you cry and cry even when I cuddle you at my breast.

However, I would greatly appreciate it if you could manage to nap well this afternoon, and sleep well and easily and long tonight, so that I can get enough rest to cope with you without losing it myself for a little while longer.

Thank you,
your loving, frazzled, on-the-edge mother.

P.S. Be nice to your father, too!

P.P.S. To my readers - please leave comments! I want to hear your thoughts, and the more comments you leave, the better my blog traffic looks to places like MomCentral, who I'm trying to get to include me on blog tours.

23. Thumbthumbthumbthumbthumb

Funny how the Infanta is exactly the same pose now as she was yesterday when I posted. Yes, Amy, complete with thumb in mouth - she's a real thumb sucker, for which her father and I are profoundly grateful. My in-laws may make remarks about how hard it will be to break her of that habit later, but I don't care. First off, I figure she'll stop when she's ready, much as I stopped sucking my two fingers when I was ready.

Second, Josh and I MUCH prefer a kid sucking their thumb to a kid who walks and talks and has a pacifier clipped to her clothes! Or worse yet, talks through her pacifier!

Third, it's not like she's always got her thumb in her mouth; she uses it as a boob substitute, mainly. If she's awake and sucking her thumb, usually it's because she wants to nurse, and is a good signal to me. If she's asleep and I'm done being a milk machine, I'll detach and she'll often promptly replace nipple with thumb. She just needs to suck, and it doesn't always need to be nutritive. Witness now - she's deeply enough asleep that she lacks the muscle tone to keep her hand up, but her mouth is still moving in a sucking rhythm.

I don't mean this for an indictment of moms whose kids use pacis for extended periods - or not much, anyway - me, I never intended to use them at all! I do well know, and learn better every day, that in parenting, as in the rest of life, theory ad reality often bear little resemblance to each other.

22. I have a baby sleeping, sprawled across my lap.

That is all.

21. How I get what done? and a reenactment

Well, crap. I had a nice long post going about getting stuff done around here (inspired by Bethany), and I did something, and it disappeared. Damn frozen fingers. Short answer: not nearly often enough, mostly while the Infanta's asleep or while Daddy's home.



Here is a rough reenactment of the reason the Infanta doesn't get to sleep by herself in our bed anymore. I left her napping the other day; not nearly long enough later, we heard her waking over the monitor. I tried to ignore it, hoping she'd go back to sleep, and a couple of minutes later, heard her squealing. I dashed in to find her headfirst in the wastebasket, and laughed so hard as I pulled her out that Daddy came running, too. I wish I'd thought to get pictures at the time, but I couldn't just leave her there, you know? Anyway, if she falls asleep deeply enough to be moved, and I can't be with her in the big bed, she gets moved to the cosleeper now (and to the crib when we get it).

20. Inauguration day

If you know me at all, you know I'm not a huge Obama fan (I voted for Clinton in the primary), but I am glad he won the election rather than the other guy.

However, on reading my morning email, I found this little gem. And I finally watched this video that my brother sent me:



That man, that song, that location... even my politics-hating and rather conservative husband might well tear up with patriotism.

Tomorrow we will return to our regularly scheduled Infanta.

19. All wrapped up in her work

And better at crawling every time she sees a kitty to chase.

18. The Purple Peril

I believe I've mentioned how much the Infanta is fascinated by the cats? In case I haven't, she's completely enraptured by them. When she sees them, she goes completely still, and, wearing a huge smile, makes small noises which I think are supposed to be enticing. Since the cats want nothing to do with her, this tactic doesn't work, but it's adorable nonetheless. If they're anywhere vaguely in reach, she tries to grab, and has been known to actually catch a limb, a tail, or a handful of fur. This has been happening more often recently, as the Infanta becomes mobile faster than the cats can process it. (We do sometimes carefully guide her in softly stroking a captive feline, but I think she's really too young yet to grasp the concept.)

Her recent strides (if you will) in mobility have been significantly motivated by her desire to play with the kitties, and in the last day or so, as she begins to be able to articulate knee movement in her crawling, she's taken to pursuing them to their highest refuge in the living room: the top of the comfy chair. In fact, just before I sat down to write this, she'd managed to trap both the kitties there!

Being somewhat callous pet owners (we love our cats, but we don't coddle them), we naturally encourage our daughter's efforts to pursue the frisky felines, and pretty much only intervene when she manages to catch one. After all, we don't condone actual torture... much as we enjoy messing with them.

17. It's astonishing

what a little exercise and company will do for you. I took a good, brisk walk early yesterday afternoon (the Infanta needed a couple of shots, and the clinic is about a 20 minute walk away, nicely nicely), and then hooked up with Bethany for a little shopping (window shopping on my part, she had gift cards). Then home, and a bath for Herself, and a shower for me, and although the Infanta was a bit more fussy than usual at bedtime, I slept quite well, thankyouverymuch. :)

It seems that pretty much everyone (ok, the moms I know well in the area) is feeling pretty awful right now. Bethany was proposing a party with chocolate; sounds good to me, but I think I'd add alcohol!

16. Fun with a dose of suckage.

January is still sucking. I'm feeling on the edge of PPD, and would probably be fully into it if I weren't on brain meds. Sheer anxiety is kicking my ass at night; the Infanta slept for six hours during the first part of last night, and anxiety had me awake for fully half that time.

But I had an enjoyable evening, anyway. My brother is running a game of Dungeons and Dragons (4th ed) with a local gaming group at a local game store, and I've joined it. I'm not all that much of a fan of D&D, but since it's pretty much the only game going right now, I'll take it. Making it more fun for me is that another player's wife (who is one of the potential clients I mentioned last week) has been happily watching the Infanta during part of the times we're playing, so I'm not trying to tank and juggle baby simultaneously the whole session (Josh helps, too, but since he's playing, there's still the baby at the table). I'm not counting on her being present, because she has her own life, but if she's hanging out with us while we play anyway, at least she can get a baby fix, and give me a break, so it works out for us both. :)

I realize that it may come as a surprise to some of you out there that I play games like D&D. Well, I do! I've been a gamer for pretty much all of my life - and by gamer, I mean tabletop role-playing games, not video games (which are a much newer part of my life). I hadn't had much chance to play in the last several years, but I'm enjoying my opportunity now! Plus, it mixes well with knitting. ;)

15. Art

I figured it had been a few days since I posted any Infanta pics, so here's a few, taken just moments ago. I refuse to apologize for the motion evident; that's her most common state these days.

14. I hate January.

I try to keep a distinction between hatred and dislike. I try to reserve the energy of hatred for things or people that have actively caused harm - usually to me personally, but sometimes to others. Other things I feel negatively towards, but that haven't caused harm, I try to keep at "intensely dislike".

I hate January. I've been pretty sure for a long time that I have some level of SAD, but it hadn't hit me very hard in the last few years; in the past, I've endured some of the deepest depressions of my life in this month - I definitely call that harm. This year, with Velcro Girl and her Amazing Late Evening Naps, the agony of January has been back in full force. Last night, after she was finally asleep, and after Daddy was out, too, I found myself having an anxiety attack, desperate for someone to pass the Mommy buck to, if only for a few hours. It didn't help that I'd looked at my SAHM meetup group and discovered that a person I do. not. like. has joined it.

Now, I won't say I like everyone in the world, far from it, but I can manage to rub along okay with most people. When I actively dislike someone, it's a whole different ballgame. I dislike this particular person enough that I am likely to avoid any events she attends (even if they were events I would be attending without her), and I would be considering leaving the group if I weren't pretty positive that she is unpleasant enough that she's going to get herself booted before long anyway. At least, I really hope so. She hasn't actually harmed me or anyone I care about, though (although I do believe she's tried), so I can't quite hate her. I'm pretty close, though. I did go so far as to send an email to the group's organizer about how this person is baaad news, though...

I did manage to get to sleep, and that helped a lot of the anxiety. I also plan to nap with the Infanta this afternoon - maybe that way we'll both rest better.

13. the Blogverse provides

I'm almost two weeks into this daily post thing, and I'm finding that just when I'm stumped for a post, the blogverse hands me something.

Take today: going through my morning blogroll, I found a post from hedra about a study on human dirt-eating. Go read it, it'll make you feel better about your baby chewing on the soles of shoes. Or whatever. :)

12. I'm doomed - not that that's new.

Since only two people commented on my contest, both Katie and Stacey will get treats. Email me (I know you both know how!), and we'll talk stash. :)

This morning, while I was doing my usual lie-in-bed-denying-that-it's-time-to-get-up and play-with-the-baby, the Infanta sat up, almost entirely unaided. Now, she didn't start flat on her back (she was arched over my arm and on a pillow), and she did want a finger to grab for the last few degrees to upright - but heck, I'm bad at sitting up from lying prone! Sad that my baby's abs are better than mine.

Aaand now, just as I'm thinking thoughts about it being time to start transferring Herself to a proper crib (she's about to outgrow the cosleeper), it's time to brace for the eight month sleep regression. Although she's what I've come to realize is an "easy" baby, the Infanta has hit all of these Wonder Weeks early and distinctly. Send chocolate!

11. Maybe it's the time of year?

The Infanta and Grandpa at family Christmas, New Year's Day.

I really admire Norma for not only posting daily for over a year now, but for always having interesting things to post. Or maybe they're just interesting to the rest of us, and she thinks it's all trivial and uninteresting, but posts anyway? Hard to tell sometimes.

All I know is that January's always been the worst time of year for me, and the last few days I've felt like I couldn't get enough sleep. I even got to the point of "touched out" last night, with the Infanta and her 9 pm wakings (which we handle by letting her play with us (usually Daddy) for a while, and then it's lights out and she's swaddled and into the cosleeper, where I lay a hand on her until she's out), and my having wanted to go to sleep at 7.

But we did have a funny moment the other night; Daddy had just turned the lights off while I was nursing Herself (trying to get her asleep), and while she was having none of that, she clawed at the side of my breast rather painfully. I said "Ow"; Daddy gently said something about "Don't hurt Mommy", and she gave a rousing raspberry. I honestly don't know if the timing was intentional - my guess is not - but it was so perfect that Josh and I laughed and laughed.

10. Check this out!

Found it here. I heart pro-breastfeeding ads!

9. Save Handmade part 2

The law affecting handmade children's items has been altered to exclude those made by the WAHM industry; read a bit about it here: http://www.kval.com/news/37241774.html On the other hand it still prohibits the resale (or even giving away!) of used clothing and toys. There's a petition about it here. I understand why they put the law into place at all, but they needed to have been more careful about how they phrased it! Sign the petition, please; leave a comment if you do so, and I'll pull a name out of a hat and give you something nifty. If you're a knitter or you sew, it'll be something stash-like; if you don't, maybe a book. It'll depend on whose name I pull.

eta - Contest will end this Sunday, Jan 11, at midnight.

8. Clients?

We're off to the babywearing meeting this morning. Such a pain to make the trip take twice as long, just because I have to take the bus.. but it's better than staying in and never seeing anyone.

I found two potential clients last night! One is the wife of a guy Josh games with. The other is one of the local knitters. Although the knitter is due around the beginning of August, I'll still leap at the chance to be her doula - we even joked about her being due for the Sock Summit. :)

7. Well, I was going to post some pictures.

Blogger seems to be having trouble talking to my computer and uploading pictures today. I was going to post a photo of the Infanta sitting up on my lap, but I guess not today... Nope, can't even work it from posting it on Flickr - but here's the link.

The Infanta (currently snuggled against me in my new Moby), while not precisely crawling or sitting up independently, is making great strides in physical achievement. She creeps quite well, and pretty quickly at times - I should probably find another place for the Asian ceramics than the floor, dontcha think? She also sits quite well if placed there, as in the linked image - although she tends to lean forward and scoot off in pursuit of something that looks chewable.

SIL's naturalization ceremony yesterday was amazing. I think that every kid should attend one, as part of their education in civics. I definitely think I'll be making an effort to get my kids to one when they're old enough to appreciate it!

6. I overslept!

And have no time to post properly before a full day that includes a trip to Portland on Greyhound to watch my SIL become a citizen. Proper post tomorrow!

5. Giraffe!

The Infanta is practicing her Velcro skills today, so here's a video of a giraffe being born to entertain you. Ignore the gratuitous footage of the tourists.

4. Let there be Knitting!

Helena, from the Summer 2008 Knitty. Begun in August, finished Christmas Day; you may recognize it from the pictures I've posted of the event.



The start of the Leaf and Nupp Shawl, from Lace Knitting of Estonia. I never, ever thought I'd say this, but nupps are kinda fun! Apologies for the dimness of the picture, but a) the Kauni is dark and b) I had to get between the Infanta and the lace, which also meant between the light source and the lace. This is something I can only work on when the Infanta is asleep. I'm really enjoying it, though!

3. To answer a question.

Have I mentioned how much the Infanta loves the kitties?

My brother asked yesterday: Ok, so I have to ask. What's the diffrence between this and the other wraps you own?

I own one other wrap. Well, two if you count the rebozo, which I have more as a doula tool than as a baby carrier. I also have a mei tai (which I made myself) and a ring sling (which Amy made me), both of which I use frequently. My wrap is homegrown; it started as a piece of cloth from my costume stash (actually a length I acquired a decade ago to use as a turban) which I cut in half lengthwise so that I could have a wrap and a turban. I have yet to hem the raw edges, although I really should. It is lightweight but sturdy woven fabric, and I haven't ever really used it much, because of the learning curve, my laziness, and fact that I'd never washed the fabric, so it was very stiff with dye, making it very difficult to adjust. I did wash it recently, but haven't gotten around to playing with it. Maybe I'll take it to the babywearing meeting next week for some help.

The wrap I have coming to me is commercially made of jersey (knit fabric to those in my audience less fabric savvy than me). This makes a hyooge difference in ease of use - for one, you can adjust it before you put the baby in! Not something you can do with the woven wrap.

2. Gravelled for lack of matter

Five days into daily posts, and I'm dry. This does not bode well.

Well.. it's not really that I have nothing to talk about, more that I'm sleepy enough (sue me, I wake up late) that I'm having trouble thinking of what to say, especially without having a cute baby picture that I want to share immediately to hand.

So here's something (almost) completely different.

Someone on my babywearing group posted this video a couple of weeks ago. Words are in French, but the visuals are clear enough..plus the music's pretty awesome. Anyway, it got me fired up again about acquiring a stretchy wrap. I've been wanting to get one in time for the next baby (whenever that will be), but a Moby is supposed to be good for babies weighing up to 35 pounds - and the Infanta is only about 16 right now, so I can use it with her for a goodly length of time, too. So, as my Christmas present, I ordered one last night. This will be my first bought carrier!

1. Happy New Year!

Kind of in a rush this morning, as we're going to Grandma and Grandpa's for the family Christmas celebration this afternoon, but here's a cute baby and momma picture.

I hope your headaches this morning don't overshadow the joy in possibility of a new year!